The other day a
psychotherapist friend shared a story about one of his patients who came for a
session and she talked openly with him but while showed good insight, had peculiar
behaviors, like straightening the tissue box on the table, moving her chair and
then rearranging the position of the ottoman at her feet. Not only these but
she then got up and rearranged the curtain, covering a different part of the
window. The therapist observed these actions and when the patient shared that her
loved ones have been complaining about her controlling nature, the therapist
knew exactly how they felt. The patient seemed completely unaware that her
actions of manipulating the environment to her taste and satisfaction seemed
like a controlling behavior to others. The therapist shared this story with me
as he was wondering what went wrong in this session as his patient did not
return anymore after this visit. He concluded that in his comments he “fell for”
this patient’s story of being controlling. He, too, just as the patient’s
friends and family, assumed that the patient was controlling her environment,
manipulating its pieces into a situation that suits her needs, according to her
logic without questioning others’ needs and stance. He wondered with me, what
would have been a more clinically correct response from his end in this
situation. He thought the issue was deeper seated than a control issue but he
did not realize it during the session and he felt he got sucked into the
interplay this patient has been manifesting with so many other people in her
life.
This story made me think of my homeopathic case taking
technique, where I follow the person’s body language, not only the hand gestures
but also the body’s physical manifestations of the person’s disharmony. I take
this therapy patient was showing something with her gestures, actions. In a
non-directive case taking method one would have wondered with curiosity what
she was doing. Without the judgment that her actions were driven by and leading
to a sense of control, one could ask her about the actual actions: “I noticed
that you moved those pieces of furniture”… “Tell me more about your thinking
and feelings around closing the curtains….” While the person might even come to
the conclusion that they want it according to their control, I would even
question that: “Please describe that need. What is that about?”
In all situations we tell the underlying story with our word
choice and actions. And as I learned in the sensation method case taking, the
most relevant part of the story telling is when the words don’t match the story
being told. When the body language and actions and behaviors are peculiar.
These are the most important times to be non-judgmental, and not only asking
this from ourselves but also our patients: do not assume that you do an action
because you have been told endless times by your relatives you were controlling.
A patient might come to see us and say that their relatives demanded they seek
therapy for their controlling behaviors and while the patient on the surface disagrees
with these statements, they have internalized this understanding to the degree
that they display and judge their own actions as controlling. Yes, if we are curious
enough, we can find a gold mine of depth and new understanding beyond the doors
that are opened up by simple actions like moving a tissue box in our office.
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